"Musings and Ramblings of A Convoluted Mind"

{April 14, 2010}   On Taking Chances

People that know me know that I am not a big risk taker but recently I’ve found myself faced with all kinds of new things and situations.  Since moving to Alabama I’ve purchased a house, made the decision to change careers, begun the process of searching for a part time job in my current field.  I’ve taken last minute road trips and met people that I’ve spoke to for years but had never actually met.  All these things are shaping me into a different person.  Sometimes I wonder if I like who I have become but at the end of the day I know that I have to live with myself – and I’m the only one that can change who I really am.

I admit, a few years ago I went through a hard time and I completely lost track of who I was.  I lost sight of who I was and who I wanted to be.  Life simply happened around me for awhile.  I left a wonderful job. I moved to Korea. I became a mother.  Having a newborn keeps you secluded anyway and with the way I’d been feeling, it simply put me in a bad place.  Then I made the choice to stop being who I’d become.  I’d stop merely existing and start living.  I took an active role in my sons life.  I got out. I made friends.  I enrolled in classes online.  I explored new hobbies and fell in love with some of them.

Moving to Alabama put me into a similar state of mind that the move to Korea did.  For awhile I didn’t know who I was again or why I was really here.  With my husband always gone, things get difficult.  But I feel recharged.  I’m back doing a hobby – and with this… I’m taking a chance.  It’s a big investment but I’m finally going to make the leap to a slr camera.  I’m finally going to contact the school and work more on my application for the early education program that I’m preapproved for.  I’m going to take a more active role in my neighborhood and get to know people.

And for the first time in a long time, I’m going to open up to these people.  I think it’s time that I let people know ME, not who I should be or who I think people want me to be.  And in a way, that’s freeing.


Ari says:

I’m SO excited about the DSLR, that’s fabulous news!! And you know, you have a kid so you can use it even for just the basic family capturing moments.

I know how you feel though, I’ve been the same way. I’m glad you’re getting into things… that’s so exciting.

Just don’t forget about me.

cant wait to see what u come up with, youve been a serious photographic genius with that old point and shoot of yours. I hope you dont get lazy syndrome just in time for your new camera like i did… no, i just feel like i havent delved in, or given any time like i did to my damn point and shoots.. maybe cuz its so easy with this one? i dont know. anyway, i look forward to it, what are you getting? when? mesage me on FB! 🙂

David says:

I love you babe. You know I support you.

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