"Musings and Ramblings of A Convoluted Mind"

On Taking Chances

cognitivedistortion — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 00:03:54 +0000

People that know me know that I am not a big risk taker but recently I’ve found myself faced with all kinds of new things and situations. Since moving to Alabama I’ve purchased a house, made the decision to change careers, begun the process of searching for a part time job in my current field. I’ve taken last minute road trips and met people that I’ve spoke to for years but had never actually met. All these things are shaping me into a different person. Sometimes I wonder if I like who I have become but at the end of the day I know that I have to live with myself – and I’m the only one that can change who I really am.

I admit, a few years ago I went through a hard time and I completely lost track of who I was. I lost sight of who I was and who I wanted to be. Life simply happened around me for awhile. I left a wonderful job. I moved to Korea. I became a mother. Having a newborn keeps you secluded anyway and with the way I’d been feeling, it simply put me in a bad place. Then I made the choice to stop being who I’d become. I’d stop merely existing and start living. I took an active role in my sons life. I got out. I made friends. I enrolled in classes online. I explored new hobbies and fell in love with some of them.

Moving to Alabama put me into a similar state of mind that the move to Korea did. For awhile I didn’t know who I was again or why I was really here. With my husband always gone, things get difficult. But I feel recharged. I’m back doing a hobby – and with this… I’m taking a chance. It’s a big investment but I’m finally going to make the leap to a slr camera. I’m finally going to contact the school and work more on my application for the early education program that I’m preapproved for. I’m going to take a more active role in my neighborhood and get to know people.

And for the first time in a long time, I’m going to open up to these people. I think it’s time that I let people know ME, not who I should be or who I think people want me to be. And in a way, that’s freeing.

On: Difficult Decisions

cognitivedistortion — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 17:48:59 +0000

Recently I’ve been faced with making some difficult choices in my life. When to speak up. When to hold back. When to try again. When to cut ties and when to start over. Readers know that making choices is not an easy task for me. I over think. I dwell. I second guess. All these things play a major part in my decision process but ultimately they hinder my ability to feel safe in my choices in life. Occasionally there are the choices that require no thought at all – the decisions that are made with the heart. Rash emotional decisions. I’ve come to learn that these decisions often end up hurting. And they don’t just hurt me but those around me as well. I try to avoid making these choices as much as possible. But sometimes they are hard to avoid.

I hurt a friend. My emotions played a large part in the thought process this past week. It makes me wonder if I was too quick to come to a conclusion. But this is a decision that I have to live with and one that I need to have faith in. It might not be the right decision or maybe it is. Without a crystal or magic eight ball I have no way to know this right now.

Earlier this year I said that I wanted to achieve Balance in my life. I have to believe that this is one step closer to achieving that Balance. But faith in something doesn’t make the reality of the situation any easier or less painful. I guess that just takes time.

It’s Going To Be A Tasty Summer!

cognitivedistortion — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 19:38:42 +0000

The garden ins finally completed and mostly planted. I’m waiting to put in my jalepeno peppers and my romaine until they become a bit more hearty. Everything else is in!!

I have 9 Cabbage.

9 String Bean.

5 Cucumber.

3 Tomato (beefsteak, patio, roma)

2 Green Bell peppers

1 Red Bell

1 Yellow Bell

Rosemary

Basil

1 Zuchinni

1 Yellow Squash

2 Watermelon

Plus a blueberry bush and lemon tree! )

I don’t think all my cucumber seedlings will survive and I picked up a few more peat pellets today so I can start more romaine once I plant these seedlings. Brilliant me didn’t realize romaine was a one harvest crop. Woops!!! And I eat a lot of salad. I hope to have five or six heads growing at once. My garden is going to be so full!

And on a creepy note – killed three black widow spiders that were nesting in the siding of my home. Yuck!!! I want to have NorPest come out and treat the area but it is expensive. Hubby wants to do it ourselves this season. We will see how it goes. Bleh spiders.

Exploring Alabama: Part Two

cognitivedistortion — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 02:10:30 +0000

Okay, last week I said I’d post inside shots of the abandoned house. I really wanted to do shots of my garden beds, but as promised: interior images.

The Hallway: Looking from the back door up through to the front of the house.

This bathroom has seen better days… and hopefully more amenities.

Like the rest of the toilet and a sink.

Unfortunately the house was pretty dark so I wasn’t able to get shots of all the rooms. I wasn’t even able to get into all of the rooms. I didn’t really want to touch anything and a couple doors were partially closed.

This is in the front room of the house. It was pretty messy. Clothes. Boxes. Egg carton….

It seems like whoever lived here left in a rush and left a lot of things behind.

To Ella Evens for participation in the 1971 Social Science Fair

Could this be when they left? Sad… so much left behind. Even the calendar on the wall.

This was probably a beautiful room once upon a time.

Peek-a-Boo, curiousillusion!!!

There were a lot of interesting things in the house and I wish that we had more time to check things out, and better lighting. One thing that I noticed was that there were no appliances in the home. No stove. No fridge. I didn’t even see the spaces where things would have been hooked up. No cupboards. It makes me curious to what happened here. The area isn’t advanced and I can’t find anything online or on the newspapers archives. Maybe one day I will find out.

Looking Back

cognitivedistortion — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 00:02:05 +0000

Around this time three years ago was when Bradley was conceived. It is crazy to think that three years ago he wasn’t even a thought in my mind.

What an adventure it has been. Smiles. Tears. Boo-Boos and plenty of kisses. My son is my pride and joy. I know my life wouldn’t be the same without him.

Exploring Alabama Part One

cognitivedistortion — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:30:51 +0000

STORY TIME:

I’m not the best person at planning things when someone comes to visit me. At least, I’m not great a planning things in a a town where there is nothing to do. Luckily, Ari is an amateur photog like me and enjoys exploring places and finding things to take pictures of. Yesterday we decided to pack into the car, despite the constant rainy drizzle, and take a drive. Bradley fell asleep and it gave us a little time to look around. There were a couple potential ‘shot spots’ that I wanted to point out but with the weather they wouldn’t have made for great pictures. So we kept driving.

We took an older road, a bit over grown and in disrepair.

Jackpot. Dead tree. Buzzards. Rainy and cloudy. Ominous?

House? Barn? Hunting Shack? It was fenced off and let’s face it, I’m not THAT brave.

We kept driving down this lonely road and found what looks to be an abandoned factory of some kind. Except when we got out of the car to check it out, it wasn’t as abandoned as we thought. A white truck pulled out into the area and drove in a few circles. Not expecting that, we hopped back in the car and drove away – with the white truck following.

Not enough to deter me though.

Down 165 and to the left is rt. 18… and a fantastic abandoned house.

And yes. I went inside. But those are pictures for another day.

Mini Holiday?

cognitivedistortion — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:08:14 +0000

Getting a blog out early.

Just wanted to let people know that yesterday’s adventure went off without a hitch. Well, without any major ones anyway. Getting lost in South Atlanta isn’t THAT big of a deal, right? And the awesome thing is I got lost because of the GPS! Stupid Garmin.

Anyway, left shortly after one after cleaning up the house a little. Got gas and then headed up to the Atlanta airport. No biggie. Waited for a little and picked up Ari. From there we went to meet a mutual Flickr friend (Heather) at Chili’s. Well… the GPS decided to take us to this really run down apartment complex. We hightailed it out of there and by our own means, we found Chili’s. A queso dip, bbq chicken salad (mac and cheese for Bradley), diet soda bubbles, conversation, and a clown nose later, it was time to make the trip home. Again, thanks to the GPS we had a slight scenic tour of a backwoods area at night. I think I would have passed on that little detour even in daylight.

Spent a few hours last night chatting. Photography, Mac, fashion… you know, girl talk. The hubby was awesome and took care of the turdlette and got him to bed.

No huge plans for today. Going to make chicken pie for dinner since ribs didn’t get thawed out. Bummer too because I’m craving bacon wrapped asparagus. Maybe I’ll make that anyway. Mmmmm.

Tomorrow the hubby should be out a little early from work and then we’re off to meet another friend for dinner! And… shopping. Does anyone here know how long it has been since I had a child free shopping spree???? Seriously, it’s almost like a vacation.

It’s Grow Time!

cognitivedistortion — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:43:57 +0000

I am so excited! I started some seeds today! I had wanted to do egg shell babies but getting some peat was easier since we don’t consume THAT many eggs.

Today I started romaine and cucumbers. I’m going to start jalapeno peppers and watermelon shortly and I have corn too. There are some things that I’m more apt to purchase already started – like beefsteak tomatoes. But I did manage to plant my cherry tomatoes, which I had started a few weeks ago, in an upside down basket with strawberries planted on top of them. I hope they do well. They are right outside the door so I’ll be able to pick what I need when I want it. Mmmmm. Fresh fruits and veggies.

I’m also on the lookout for a dwarf lemon tree. I might have to special order it. Fresh lemons for iced tea in the summer! Fantastic.

he most difficult thing is putting the plot far away from the septic leach field. I’m really wary about planting near that… but I have one spot that should be alright. It won’t have full sun all day, but I think it will work.

No pictures today. Maybe over this next week I’ll do a garden plot update and post images. T

That is, if Ari doesn’t get sick of garden stuff. She might regret this visit. ;o)

Going Through Changes

cognitivedistortion — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:26:17 +0000

I just wanted to stop and share a few images that the hubby drew last night. We’ve been doing some house planning and running through some landscape ideas for the house. Recently we’ve been focusing on the back yard and watching a lot of DIY.

Currently we have a cement slab for our patio. Not pretty. We want to change it. We had considered doing a wooden deck but that is really expensive. So we’ve decided to do a stone patio. I’m not sure if we will do brick or flagstone. We are also going to relocate the patio to the side of the house, beside the fence as will eventually build a walkway from the door.

This is the drawing for the basic plan. We obviously have a lot more to plan aside from this… measurements and such. But it’s just brainstorming for now. I’m excited.

This is the close up of the idea he is looking into. A firepit built into the patio! I’m excited for that one. And, hubby paid attention. He included the palm that I want to get for outside. ) Little things like that make me happy.

Has anyone here done their own landscaping and remodeling? What have your experiences been? I’m sure I’ll update more as I go. I had debated just doing a salad garden in pots for this year, but I might go ahead and dig out a small patch. I’ll need to raise the beds though since our soil is heavily clay. It just seems like a lot of work right off the bat. But this is the time for me to do it if I am going to. Maybe a small garden to start and then expand next spring?

Hmmm….

Gettin’ Thrifty…

cognitivedistortion — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:53:32 +0000

So I’ve decided/come to realize that I need to be more thrifty. I need to go for the deals. I need to save some money.

I’ve spent the past few hours looking online at ways to save. The biggest thing I’ve found is printing coupons. And of course, my printer doesn’t want to work. That is frustrating. lol

Anyone have some thrifty tips?